Ghosts Like it Hot Read online

  “No dead bodies,” I said lightly. “We’re on vacation.”

  Mark gave a chuckle. “It wasn’t a threat, I promise. I’ve got no plans to kick the bucket any time soon. Come on down below. You have a lot of bags. We’re going to have to get creative with storage.”

  Jake gave me a “told-you-so” look but I wasn’t going to defend my actions. I felt confident he would appreciate my outfit changes when I looked like a model for “Living Your Best Key West Life” magazine. Which isn’t really a magazine, but you get my point.

  The cabin, or whatever Mark called it, I wasn’t listening, was small. I had my doubts that Jake’s whole body would fit on the bed without his feet dangling over the edge. Mark stacked my suitcases up on the floor, consuming about half of the walking space. I wrinkled my nose and studiously worked on not feeling claustrophobic. Mark showed us the head, which triggered my germophobia. Something was leaking so the floor was wet. The walls were sweating and the corners all had mold merrily growing.

  I was going to have to wear flip-flops in there and then throw them away before we left Florida. But I could roll with the punches. Sunshine. Sangria. Sand. Sex. I had to keep my eye on the prize.

  Too busy working out how tough I could be in my head, I wasn’t listening to Captain Mark.

  “So that’s how I ended up a clown for ten years.”

  I swiveled my head. The word “clown” is always going to grab my attention. I’m not a fan of clowns. Who the hell just ends up a clown? I swallowed as I eyed Mark with new eyes. Was he a serial killer? Did he book this boat and then take his passengers out where no one could hear them scream? Then he killed them and tossed them into the drink? While dressed like a clown?

  My palms started to sweat.

  “How did you two kids meet?” Mark asked, like he hadn’t just dropped the bombshell that he could be a potential murderer.

  That wasn’t as simple of a question as you’d think.

  “We had a mutual friend,” Jake said.

  “We met at work,” I said at the same time.

  Mark laughed. “Which one is it?”

  Jake wasn’t a guy who liked to throw his personal business around so I waited for him to take the lead on this. But he surprised me by saying, “It was both. Bailey’s friend from college was my partner, but she and I didn’t really meet until she started working at the station with us.” He gave me a smile, one I couldn’t quite interpret. “Then we started hanging out socially. Even went to Niagara Falls, the three of us. But it took eight years for us to start dating.”

  Why the hell had he brought up that trip to Niagara Falls? It had been an odd impulse vacation, the three of us sharing a room because of tight finances and a room mix-up. I had felt awkward most of the weekend and at one point had woken up at three a.m. marveling I was sandwiched in a bed between two men and neither thought of me as anything other than a little sister.

  “Eight years? Wow. Guess you know everything about each other.”

  “I know everything I need to know,” I said, suddenly wondering if Jake had a ring somewhere in his suitcase. The thought made my cheeks feel hot and I wasn’t sure if I would be thrilled or terrified if he did propose to me.

  “Station, huh? Police, fire?”

  “Police. I’m a homicide detective and Bailey was an evidence tech.”

  “Was being the important word,” I said, still puzzled that at twenty I’d been dumb enough to think I could swab the inside of prisoners’ mouths and bloody crime scenes and be chill about it. “I only lasted a year at that job.”

  “Life’s funny that way,” Mark said. “Sometimes you think you’ll love something, or someone, and you realize you don’t. But you’re smart. You got out. You know how many people just ride it out for thirty years?”

  “I’m sure a lot.” Then because I wasn’t sure why we were having an existential conversation on a sunny afternoon when I was on vacation, on Vera’s dime, no less, I wandered back up on the deck. “What time is the sunset cruise?”

  “We’ll leave the dock at seven. Go out for two hours, then I’ll leave you two to do your thing.” Mark winked.

  I fought the urge to frown and reprimand him. That’s just not cute. Don’t make sexual innuendos with a total stranger. I didn’t want to think about Mark thinking about us on this boat alone.

  Especially now that I was fairly certain he was a serial killer.

  “Sounds good,” Jake said.

  “I’m off, then. Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy your afternoon.” He jumped up onto the dock.

  I sat down on a bench and watched him walk away, waiting until I was convinced he was out of earshot. “Could he be any creepier?” I asked Jake.

  “I think he could be a lot creepier. Remember Nick Petrillo? The guy who drugged you? That was a creepy asshole.” Jake sat down next to me and stretched out. He closed his eyes and tipped his head to the sun.

  “Okay, agreed. Nick was creepy because he came off as normal and wasn’t. But this Mark guy was a clown. That’s a red flag if I ever saw one. And he made a couple of weird sexual comments.” I jumped on the bench. “What if he has a camera in the bedroom?”

  Jake’s eyes popped back open. “What? How do you think of these things?”

  “He said he’d leave us to do our thing and he winked! What if he rents this boat out and then watches people? Gross.”

  Marner sighed. Heavily. “I’m going to have to do a sweep for surveillance cameras, aren’t I?”

  “I think that’s pretty obvious, don’t you? Unless you want to sleep fully clothed two feet away from me.”

  Jake stood up instantly. “I’ll go check.”

  I followed him, just to make sure he was really checking and not just indulging me. I crowded behind him in the small berth. Jake turned and ended up elbowing me in the chin.

  “Shit, sorry! I didn’t know you were right behind me.”

  “See how easy it is to sneak up on someone. What if Mark comes on board and watches people sleep? Or he kills his guests?” My heart was starting to race.

  Jake rubbed his brow. “This sailboat was a mistake, wasn’t it? You’re spinning.”

  Yes. But I couldn’t admit that. “No. We just need to be careful.” I felt instantly bad that I was jacking up his romantic adventure. “If you think we’re fine, I trust you. You know that.”

  I did trust him. I’m just always paranoid.

  He dropped his hand and just stood there for a second, like he was debating with himself what to say. But then he just ran his hands around the perimeter of the wall at the ceiling. He bent down and did the same at the floorboards. He checked the mattress, lifted the bedding and the pillows. “There’s nothing here. The good news is, it’s very small, so I’m very confident in saying that.”

  I bit my lip so I didn’t say, “are you sure?” because that would be annoying and I knew it.

  What I did say was, “Can you check the bathroom too?”

  “Of course.”

  He thought I was bananas, that was clear, but he did it.

  Or maybe he didn’t think I was totally nuts because he not only did the bathroom, he went on to give the whole main cabin a sweep. “All clear.”

  I sighed in relief and tried to relax. “I’m going to change. My feet need fresh air.”

  “I feel the same way. Should we change and go get something to eat?”

  I’m always up for eating. “Sounds perfect.” I went back into the tiny bedroom and realized the suitcase I wanted to open was at the bottom of the stack. I shifted the top one off and onto the floor, then slid the second one over. Which left me nowhere to stand except the entryway. I was leaning over the two suitcases and struggling to unzip the third, now free but along the far wall. We’ve established I’m not athletic. My arms have the muscle tone of overcooked pasta. I was trying to yank the zipper, huffing and puffing, and not much was happening.

  Jake came up behind me. “Do you need help?”

  “Yes.” I g
rabbed the blanket on the bed and hurled myself at the mattress. I crawled up so my legs were out of the way. “Can you unzip the purple bag? And pull out my floral maxi dress?”

  Jake bent over and unzipped the suitcase easily. “I don’t know what a maxi dress is, Bailey. Give me a clue.”

  “It has banana leaves on it.”

  “Does that mean it’s yellow or green?”

  “Green.”

  He yanked it up out of my bag and handed it to me. “Sandals?”

  “This bag.” I tapped the suitcase I had moved on top of the other. “Nude leather.”

  He managed to find those and dropped them into the hallway. He pulled a T-shirt and shorts out of his own bag and we both ended up on the bed on our backs trying to get out of and in our clothes. I started giggling.

  “This is a pain in the ass,” he said, spitting my hair out of his mouth.

  In my roll, I’d slapped a handful of curls onto his mouth inadvertently.

  “We’re never moving onto a house boat,” he said.

  “That was never in the plans.” The skirt was twisted but I was finally in my dress. I rolled onto my side and smiled at him. We were mere inches apart. “You were right though. This is romantic. I like being cozy with you.”

  He leaned in and kissed me.

  I enjoyed it for a second before I realized his master plan. “Nope.” I pulled back. “I’m starving. All I’ve eaten today was crackers.”

  “And chardonnay.”

  “Exactly.” I rolled onto my back, intending to sit up.

  But, before I could, I heard a creak to the left. I froze. “Did you hear that? It sounded like someone is up on deck.”

  “I didn’t hear anything.”

  It was footsteps. I would swear to it.

  I scrambled off the bed and dashed up the few steps to the exterior. I almost fell, given how twisted my dress was from trying to drag it on while lying down. My eyes, used to the dismal gray of winter, were as useful as a mole’s. I instantly went blind, throwing my hand up as a shield. After my pupils adjusted, I scanned the deck. Nothing. But how hard would it be to jump off a boat when someone heard me running up the stairs?

  “What are you doing?” Jake asked.

  “Checking for intruders. What do we do if Mark is a killer?”

  Jake put his hand on his hip. “You do nothing. You let me handle it. You know, the man who is a foot taller than you, and is trained to take down criminals.”

  “But you don’t have your gun with you.”

  “Now you’re just insulting me. I don’t need a gun to get the better of a sixty-five-year-old man who weighs a buck fifty. I’m twenty-nine and I work out six days a week.”

  I winced. “I didn’t mean that. I know you’re very tough.”

  “Not tough enough, apparently. I’m going to have to grow my chest hair and do a shot of Jack Daniel’s to prove myself.”

  Fragile ego alert. “That’s totally not necessary. I’m not a fan of chest hair.”

  “Too late. You’re getting it.”

  He better be joking. He had dark hair. He’d resemble a standard poodle if he did that. “I’ll get my sandals and my purse. How do we lock this thing up?” I almost fell back down the stairs, tripping on the hem of my maxi dress.

  Jake started laughing. “I should have listened to my mother. She told me a sailboat stay was a mistake. She said you’re not the adventurous type.”

  That was insulting. Now I understood how he felt. “I can be adventurous.” I wore white after Labor Day, didn’t I? “I’ve been kidnapped and locked in a storage unit.”

  “That’s not adventurous as much as it’s a curse.”

  I slipped my sandals on and grabbed my purse, now feeling as offended as he had.

  We needed to reboot this trip because so far things were not exactly what I would call relaxed and/or romantic.

  * * *

  Old Town Key West was exactly as I imagined and hoped. It was charming, colorful, warm. The architecture gave that Caribbean vibe that was different from home. Chickens ran wild like college girls on spring break around the streets alongside tourists. People were relaxed and having fun. Music spilled out of bars and cheap T-shirts were available on every corner. The sun was beating down on me and I was forced (oops, what a shame) to buy a straw hat to protect my fair Irish skin. Nothing would piss me off more than dying of skin cancer, so I take sun protection very seriously.

  We ate lunch on an outdoor patio even though it was actually almost unbearably hot. I didn’t care. This was my only opportunity to enjoy heat until probably mid-June. I tried conch fritters and was surprised how much I enjoyed them. Jake destroyed a burger and a beer.

  “I hope with every cell in my body it’s snowing at home,” I said, adjusting my floppy hat and sunglasses and watched people strolling down the sidewalk. There was a fudge shop across the street that I knew I would have to check out. “I’m not going to check though because if it’s not crappy at home I’m going to be devastated.”

  “You’d better be taking pictures and posting them. Let’s rub it in everyone’s face.”

  Jake didn’t do social media. It was something he couldn’t be bothered with and he didn’t think it was particularly safe with his job. He did have Snapchat because he liked to be able to control who he sent what, though he seemed to use it more for evil than good. He liked to send me weird things like him singing Elvis in an alien voice with alien eyes.

  “I haven’t taken one picture. I’m slacking.” I pulled my phone out and took a couple of street shots and one of Jake.

  That’s when I noticed the man who I could see in real life but not on my screen. He was sitting on a fence post, swinging his bare legs. He looked like he was older, clearly bald, and physique that of a man who’d enjoyed a lot of pasta dinners. He wore shorts and a white T-shirt with writing, though I couldn’t tell what it said.

  Damn it. “Dead guy, nine o’clock,” I told Jake. “I think we should get our check.”

  He swore. “Are you serious?”

  “Dead serious.”

  Then we both laughed, because we’re horrible people.

  “Check, please,” Jake said, raising his hand.

  Fortunately, the waitress seemed happy to turn over a table and got us cashed out superfast. We left and went in the opposite direction of the spirit, as I murmured a prayer that he wouldn’t spot me. Most ghosts don’t seem to realize I can see them until I acknowledge them inadvertently. No one was chasing after us yelling, “Hey, lady!” so I took that to mean we were safe.

  We went into a bar and sat and listened to live music for twenty minutes or so.

  I could feel myself thawing out and relaxing.

  Walking back to grab a taxi to the marina, I balked when a woman in front of a trolley car shoved a paper at me. “Haunted Key West tour. Hear the legends and the facts and have a glimpse at the infamous haunted doll, Robert.”

  “Haunted doll?” I asked before I could stop myself.

  “Yes. Given to a young boy by his nanny, who was said to have infused the doll with the power of voodoo.”

  Jake gave a snort.

  I waved off the paper. “No, thanks.”

  No death. No ghosts. No voodoo. No cemeteries.

  And most of all no dead bodies.

  Famous last words, right?

  Three

  “It’s absolutely beautiful,” I murmured, leaning back into Jake’s arms and staring at the sunset. “It’s every shade of orange there could possibly be.”

  The view and the weather were perfect. Mark had anchored the sailboat so that we could just sit and watch the sun sink below the horizon and there was a slight breeze cutting through the heat. I didn’t even mind the captain’s presence. He had gone around to the other side of the boat and was smoking a cigar. I suspected he was intentionally giving us privacy, which was appreciated.

  “You talking about your hair or the sunset?” Jake said.

  I turned and glared at hi
m. “Funny. My hair is red. Auburn, if you will.”

  He laughed softly, his arms wrapped around me. “You’re so easy to rile.”

  I was. He was lucky he was cute, but I am very hair sensitive. I get triggered by Ronald McDonald. “Be nice.”

  Jake kissed the top of my head. “I love every hair on this head.”

  Better. Not perfect. But better. “Are we snorkeling tomorrow?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  Jake had created a tentative schedule for us and I was fine with doing whatever he wanted. I had no agenda other than to stay away from dead people.

  “I booked the moving truck,” he said. “For the thirtieth.”

  Right. Jake was moving in with me in a few weeks when his lease was up. Well, technically in with me and Grandma Burke, who was less than thrilled with our living in sin. My mother was pragmatic about it. I wasn’t sure my father even remembered or cared. He was in his own Judy bubble.

  How did I feel?

  Excited. Scared. Giddy. Terrified. In love. In need of oxygen.

  I’m neurotic, we’ve established.

  “Are they doing the actual lifting of things too or did you just rent a truck?”

  “I just rented a truck. I can lift my own furniture. My dad and my brother-in-law are helping and some of the guys at work said they would stop by. But they’ll probably show up at the end and just want beer for lifting one box.”

  “So I should get beer and plan on people hanging around the house?” I needed to shift some furniture around in my house. Or rather, have Jake shift furniture for me. My cute Victorian was perfect for me. It was also fine for me and Grandma Burke because she arrived with nothing but clothes and medications. Things were going to be a little tight with all three of us and Jake’s furniture and belongings. He had good taste and I didn’t want to ditch everything he owned. We needed to blend.

  “That would be good. Not that we should be talking about real-life bullshit when we’re sitting here on a boat in paradise.”

  “You have a very valid point.” I stood up. “I wonder if I can see any critters in the water?”